Life

Not confused, just awaiting

It seems to be confusing to people when you don’t fit into a ready-made-box. I have noticed how my very existence at the moment makes most people around me confused.

Yesterday I was walking with a few friends in the parks of Amsterdam, and while testing the local neighborhood Kombucha, I was rambling on about my current life situation. It went something like this:

No, I don’t have an apartment yet, because I don’t have a job yet. No, I don’t know what will happen to my love-life because we seem to have very different ideas about what we want to do next. No, I don’t have a career plan. No, I don’t know how things will unfold from here. No, I don’t want to go back to the island-life, because I have a distinct feeling I’m too tired for that shit. --> Read more

Life

The things we leave behind

When you lead an unorthodox, rootless and global life, things are often changing quite fundamentally. Today I’m looking to the ocean from my familiar garden chair and drinking my morning coffee from my cheerfully pink mug. Yet in a few days I won’t be here anymore. One adventure, one period of my life is ending, and it’s hard for me to process it.

Not because I am sad about leaving, but because the change is so big I simply cannot understand it yet. How one day I am in my tropical ocean front existence, and the next I roam the streets of northern Europe. I cannot feel sad about leaving, simply because I don’t understand the grandness of it all. --> Read more

Healing, Life

The silent whisper of intuition

The voice of the intuition is silent but it goes forth with the strength of the ocean. It is liquid, almost unnoticeable, soft and flexible, until it takes you over and washes you on the shores of your dreams. Sometimes you think you can ignore it, you think you can be above it. Steer better, know better. But no matter how stubborn you are, it will never leave you. Luckily, because we so desperately need it.

Intuition and its neutral voice

Recently my NLP teacher told me about different minds that we all have. We all have a positive mind, negative mind, and a neutral mind. We are all slightly tilted towards one of these, or more accurately towards either a positive or negative mind. --> Read more

Happiness, Life

A goal worthy of your soul

I’m a big advocate of ordering fun things and life events from the Universe, and watching how miracles come into existence. I play and manifest a light and playful goal such as “please show me ladybugs” or “give me airfare to visit home”, and then there are the more serious, ‘real-life’ goals and ambitions I wish to achieve.

Recently I realized in one, tearful but strikingly clear moment the difference between goals, vision and the mission in life, and how these are linked. --> Read more

Happiness, Life

Do you feel a push or pull?

We are all hurrying to get somewhere. We are aiming, achieving, trying and running, whether it’s towards something or away from something we’d rather not face.

When we think about the things we do in our lives, there are many ways to test whether we’re on the right track. Lately I have been seeing and hearing signs about one way of determining this, namely the distinction of pushing or pulling.

Unconditional love does not come from the person; it comes through them from the field and is therefore not draining upon their personal energy. If we feel drained, or like something is a lot of effort, it’s coming from our ego/mind construct and not the higher self. --> Read more

Life

The messy middle

There is one important stage in a change process, and in life process, which is less talked about, namely the messy middle.

The point where everything is in the air (again), where one dream is about to end but another has yet to announce its arrival. A stage when we are face to face with the fact that life is unpredictable, it’s messy and completely uncontrollable. We have plans, but there is life, and for a moment we end up breathing into a paper bag trying not to burst into full blown panic. --> Read more

Healing, Life, Travel

Touch my heart so I know I am living

Sometimes, in the strangest places, we get to feel something unexpected. Life, love, connection, the Universe. Something takes us far and out, or deep within.

Sometimes this is all we are looking for. All the searching and traveling, maybe this is all we ever wanted from life. This feeling of being alive, feeling an inexplicable connection to another being, or rather, through another a connection to the entire universe.

A few days ago I was sitting in a bus, somewhere in the middle of the Philippines. The bus had stopped for a small break in a village, and while I was waiting for the bus to move again, my eyes heavy and tired, something caught my ears, and my heart. At the front of the bus stood a small blind boy singing. He had a red cassette player held tightly to his chest, and the more I tuned into his song over the background noise of the station, the more he captivated me. This boy was maybe ten years old, and whereas I usually don’t interact with the many begging children we see during our travels (I wish they would go to school, I’m not going to fund them singing & dancing in bus stations), there was something different about this one. --> Read more

Happiness, Life

Live your dream – and move on

Living you dream and following your heart are topics which are getting a lot of air time lately. Yes, I am an advocate of following your heart and dreams, but I don’t agree (anymore) with the way it is portrayed as the solution to all your problems. It is not (as I initially thought and previously also wrote about) the final page of a book, because nobody ever says in a soft voice ‘…and she lived happily ever after.

What does it even mean, to realize your dreams? Often this one particular point in life gets all the attention. The one jump towards the one dream. To live your dreams is, according to this way of thinking, a very short-lived sensation. At least, it would be for me. Because I don’t come with one dream only and I’m not done with one jump. --> Read more

Life

Why there is no end station

I recently had the pleasure of long conversations about everything deep and meaningful with a friend I’ve known for a while. We are both seekers and self-improvers, observers and always striving to have something touch our hearts and bring us joy.

While we have a different set of meanings to different areas of life, we both have areas of life that seem to have gained an unproportionally big role in happiness, elevating above the rest. For me this has been work, or rather, finding work that feels meaningful and fitting for me. This search has become such an important issue for me, the END STATION, that I loose my cool if (and when) I don’t seem to find it. I search and analyze why every choice I make ends up being ‘not IT’ and the pressure builds up. When do I arrive, when can I stop looking? --> Read more

Life

What would Dory do?

We went to see the movie Finding Dory yesterday, and I adore this little fish who does not make plans and just keeps swimming. And as a diver it’s fantastic to see the underwater life made into a cartoon, but that’s not the main point. The main point for me is Dory and she did not disappoint me this time either.

Because she really is on to something important.

What feels better right now?

At one point Dory was lost and confused, and she did not know what to do. She looked around and asked herself “what do I see?” She saw a lot of water on one side, and sea grass on the other. She decided that sea grass was better, so she swam there. In the sea grass she asked herself again, what do I see? There was a rock, and then there was sand. She liked sand, it was squishy, she liked squishy things, so she swam towards the sand. While she was swimming towards the sand, she saw a sea shell. “I love sea shells” she would tell herself, and she would start to follow the sea shells. Eventually leading her to where she wanted to be. --> Read more