Life

The messy middle

There is one important stage in a change process, and in life process, which is less talked about, namely the messy middle.

The point where everything is in the air (again), where one dream is about to end but another has yet to announce its arrival. A stage when we are face to face with the fact that life is unpredictable, it’s messy and completely uncontrollable. We have plans, but there is life, and for a moment we end up breathing into a paper bag trying not to burst into full blown panic. --> Read more

Healing, Life, Travel

Touch my heart so I know I am living

Sometimes, in the strangest places, we get to feel something unexpected. Life, love, connection, the Universe. Something takes us far and out, or deep within.

Sometimes this is all we are looking for. All the searching and traveling, maybe this is all we ever wanted from life. This feeling of being alive, feeling an inexplicable connection to another being, or rather, through another a connection to the entire universe.

A few days ago I was sitting in a bus, somewhere in the middle of the Philippines. The bus had stopped for a small break in a village, and while I was waiting for the bus to move again, my eyes heavy and tired, something caught my ears, and my heart. At the front of the bus stood a small blind boy singing. He had a red cassette player held tightly to his chest, and the more I tuned into his song over the background noise of the station, the more he captivated me. This boy was maybe ten years old, and whereas I usually don’t interact with the many begging children we see during our travels (I wish they would go to school, I’m not going to fund them singing & dancing in bus stations), there was something different about this one. --> Read more

Happiness, Life

Live your dream – and move on

Living you dream and following your heart are topics which are getting a lot of air time lately. Yes, I am an advocate of following your heart and dreams, but I don’t agree (anymore) with the way it is portrayed as the solution to all your problems. It is not (as I initially thought and previously also wrote about) the final page of a book, because nobody ever says in a soft voice ‘…and she lived happily ever after.

What does it even mean, to realize your dreams? Often this one particular point in life gets all the attention. The one jump towards the one dream. To live your dreams is, according to this way of thinking, a very short-lived sensation. At least, it would be for me. Because I don’t come with one dream only and I’m not done with one jump. --> Read more

Life

Why there is no end station

I recently had the pleasure of long conversations about everything deep and meaningful with a friend I’ve known for a while. We are both seekers and self-improvers, observers and always striving to have something touch our hearts and bring us joy.

While we have a different set of meanings to different areas of life, we both have areas of life that seem to have gained an unproportionally big role in happiness, elevating above the rest. For me this has been work, or rather, finding work that feels meaningful and fitting for me. This search has become such an important issue for me, the END STATION, that I loose my cool if (and when) I don’t seem to find it. I search and analyze why every choice I make ends up being ‘not IT’ and the pressure builds up. When do I arrive, when can I stop looking? --> Read more

Life

What would Dory do?

We went to see the movie Finding Dory yesterday, and I adore this little fish who does not make plans and just keeps swimming. And as a diver it’s fantastic to see the underwater life made into a cartoon, but that’s not the main point. The main point for me is Dory and she did not disappoint me this time either.

Because she really is on to something important.

What feels better right now?

At one point Dory was lost and confused, and she did not know what to do. She looked around and asked herself “what do I see?” She saw a lot of water on one side, and sea grass on the other. She decided that sea grass was better, so she swam there. In the sea grass she asked herself again, what do I see? There was a rock, and then there was sand. She liked sand, it was squishy, she liked squishy things, so she swam towards the sand. While she was swimming towards the sand, she saw a sea shell. “I love sea shells” she would tell herself, and she would start to follow the sea shells. Eventually leading her to where she wanted to be. --> Read more

Life

I want to be without limits

It surprises me time and time again how much our own thoughts are actually limiting us. I know this, I know how our thoughts are creating the reality we live in, and yet I make up weird stories about myself all the time.

I tell myself: Girl, you are the kind of person who does this, you are the kind of gal who has done that. And then I let my self-made (and often very limiting) definition of myself set in, form a tight box around me until I get so uncomfortable that I cannot move anymore. Only when squeezed and pressed from all sides do I start to think that perhaps I should relocate. I start to look around for a bigger place, a bigger box or a shell, and realize that the walls around me are my own. Nobody is telling me what kind of person I am, or should be (well, actually a lot people are, directly and indirectly, but at the end of the day I decide to play along or not). --> Read more

Life

How fast is fast enough?

When changing the course of our lives, what is the appropriate tempo? When do we consider ourselves successful, and when is it considered a failure if we return to do the same things we did before? Is a few months considered a failure, is two years safe from self ridicule when turning around and coming back?

When are we successful with change?

I had an interesting conversation with a fellow life-changer, someone who left her corporate job to do something different, only to realize that maybe some changes in life need a bit more time. We often see others making decisions about their lives, making changes that seem sudden and rash even, making big changes with very little preparation time. --> Read more

Healing, Life

Where is your ladybug?

I often play with the Universe and the Law of Attraction, in fact it is one of my favorite things to do. Recently I requested to see a ladybug. I wanted Universe to show me a ladybug to confirm I was on the right path, and that the Universe got my back. And also because I wanted to see how Universe can deliver anything we desire (if we believe it to be possible).

I wanted a ladybug because I have never seen one here in the tropics. Nobody has ever seen one here. Honestly, I thought it was going to come in a form or a cartoon, painting or whatever else the mighty Universe would come up with. Because to get a live one, I did not think this would be possible, but who was I to judge. --> Read more

Life

Reflections of Me

I see my reflection on the skytrain window, against the dark Bangkok night. I appear older than I feel, and I wonder if 10 years is really so terribly much? I am thankful of the years I spent alone, between all the seriousness and settlement. Of the years when my wardrobe was filled with dresses and skirts shining in disco lights. When the I shoes I loved wearing the most were my disco boots, my lucky boots.

How time truly passes. How phases of life truly pass without a warning. How short youth is, and how it has passed before you even realized what you should be doing with it. And how I refuse to think mine is over. --> Read more

Life

Don’t get off the train! (how I use law of attraction)

The Law of attraction is a simple force to play with, but somehow we stumble in this very simplicity.

The main principles of Law of attraction became very evident to me again the other day. I will never grow tired of learning and discovering these truths. I will never grow tired of this game. When you play with this force of nature, you will soon discover two truths: first, it will deliver you exactly what you ordered, so be careful how you formulate your words. Secondly, you will have to let go, and enjoy the journey while you trust fully that your order is taken seriously. --> Read more