How many times have you asked yourself, why am I really here? How many times have you wondered what your purpose was for this life on earth, for what did you come here for, what are you here to learn?
I think about this often. There are days when I get so sucked into the density of this material world, that all of its tiny tribulations worry and scare me. Then there are days when I see the blinding light that I am, that you are, that we all are. These blissful days I get sucked upwards and reach the unity, and I see my life from a wider perspective. From the perspective of my soul.
What is my soul here to do?
What is my soul here to experience?
Mostly, I want to be human. I wanted to have a human experience, I wanted to experience a life. And when I am smacked in the middle of it, having a very real experience of life, I try to remind myself of this. You are having a life, dear one, you are having a life.
I am having a life that triggers me, that makes me scared and angry and helpless. I am also having a life that elevates me, that grounds me, brings me a great amount of joy and beauty every day. I am having a life where I am with one foot on the ground, longing for the earth where I came from. With my hands I am reaching for the stars, longing for the home I know I belong, far, far away from the density of this earth.
Whenever I am feeling anxious or sad, I am pretty surely very much attached to the dense energies of the material world. I am pretty surely only looking down, only seeing the day to day, only trying to survive and only worrying about the grind. But luckily, every now and again, I get reminded of the light that resides within. I remember to look up and I remember the beauty. I remember how Universe send me constant gifts and reminders, like a field full of ladybugs on a special day. I remember that this is exactly what I have asked for – to have a human experience, to experience a Life with my beloved. This is exactly what my soul came here to do, to practice living as a human, in between two worlds of heaviness and lightness.
Stay and surrender, it said
Because here we are. In the midst of it. Life. If I only could remember that I am cared for. That I am loved and never abandoned. That we are all light, blinding light, deserving nothing but love.
Today I wanted to run. I wanted to fight and I wanted to cry. I wanted to forcefully find solutions, push and shove my way through. I didn’t want to go with the flow, I didn’t want to surrender, I wanted none of it. But something within me whispered steadily, ‘stay’. The answer to everything is not always to go, to leave, to travel, to run. The answer is sometimes to stay, to sit in silence, to lean back and uncover.
So this is what I am doing this week, not knowing why. Not knowing why I am not allowed to have the plans I have planned for so long. Not knowing why I have a week of nothingness in front of me, nothing but staying’ness, instead of a week of adventure and go’ingness like I planned for.
So I will stay. I will sit with the silence on my lap and enjoy this gift of life I have been given. All the while knowing very well, so very well, that everything that happens is for the best of me. I will surrender and stop asking questions. I will surrender and start listening for the answers.
Maybe this is the message of the new decade I am about to enter. Stay. Surrender. Get quiet. Go within.