If you are anything like me (INFJ, HSP) you know how it feels when your nervous system is hyped up and over-stimulated. This can happen after a long day, or even after some intensive hours of stimulation, at which point I can usually kiss my concentration goodbye. I get short tempered, my body is tense and my mind feels frazzled and restless. Although I know I need to calm myself down in order to become myself again (or to do anything productive), once in motion, it’s hard to stop these wheels from spinning.
For most of my life I have felt mildly misfitting. As if I was not truly fitting where I was, I felt I was different without knowing exactly how. Round pig in a square hole, and it took me a long time to figure out why. Only until I realized that I was a Introverted, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and a Sensation Seeker (HSS), that things started to make sense to me.
In most of my jobs I felt unauthentic to some extent, even in the ones I studied for, not just in the occasional in-between jobs. I felt like I needed to pretend to like it, to fake excitement in the tasks that were expected of me, and this faking actually took a lot of energy. In the beginning of my career I didn’t know any better. I just went along, faking away, thinking everyone must fake it a bit. I always felt somewhat left out when people showed a lot of excitement towards their profession, since I never could really match the enthusiasm some of my colleagues were showing. In the end, I often felt left out because of it.